


The national consensus is an Angry panda is the most effective way to describe the Prime Minister

by Pygmypuffonacid



Category: Doctor Who, Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Blackmail, Crack, Drama, Family, For once they turned out to be right, For some reason health and safety require the Prime Minister to keep a harpoon under his desk, Global Politics, Goblins, He has a certain fondness for politics, Implied/Referenced Torture, Remus Lupin Needs a Hug, Remus lupin goes to live among the Muggles, Remus really needs to send Agnes a nice Fruit basket in thanks, Revenge, Sirius Black Needs a Hug, Slow Burn, The Noble and Most Ancient House of Black, Therapy, quid pro quo
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-28
Updated: 2020-06-05
Packaged: 2021-03-03 02:13:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 4,693
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24417193
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pygmypuffonacid/pseuds/Pygmypuffonacid
Summary: No one really knows how it happened so naturally everyone know that it did, Sirius Black was released from prison after a three year stint all the Ministry would say on the matter what that “ It was done at the Request of the Muggle Prime Minister “ , the government demanded black at number 10.
Relationships: Anthea/Sirius Black, Daphne Greengrass/Harry Potter, Hermione Granger/Draco Malfoy, James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, Nymphadora Tonks/Charlie Weasley, Sherlock Homes/John Watson, Sirius Black/Marlene McKinnon
Comments: 16
Kudos: 78





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> The national consensus is an Angry panda is the most effective way to describe the Prime Minister

No one really knows how it happened so naturally everyone know that it did, Sirius Black was released from prison after a three year stint all the Ministry would say on the matter what that “ It was done at the Request of the Muggle Prime Minister “ , the government demanded black at number 10.  
The newly elected government demanded the delivery of black to number 10, “as a Show of good faith Between the Muggle and magical British governments.” Cornelius still didn’t understand the logic or the demands of the newly elected Muggle Prime Minister he was a strange Fellow , named Romulus Leapwind. A man one of his Auror swore was an old schoolmate(Remus Lupin’s) Doppelgänger but that Poppycock was just Too outlandish to be believed, Imagine a werewolf the Muggle Prime Minister. Even if the man did have an adorable ward named Harry Potter the little was a ginger not the trade mark Potter ebony. It all just had to be a coincidence, even if the Auror informed him Leapwind told them to chain Black in the old dungeon of 10 Downing St. thatthe general public that was an old bomb shelter. But what did Cornelius care They got to trade a mass murderer in exchange for the continued cooperation of the Muggle government from his position the exchange was a win-win either way not matter the strange Coincidences.

==================================================================

Remus couldn’t get a job in the magical world, so with great reluctance he went to Muggle London seeking Employment after James died. Somehow he stumbled into the one office no one wanted after the Thatcher debacle, And that horrible mess with the Falkland island. So Remus ended up doing that he always did for his fellow Marauders After a particularly hectic prank war, he cleaned up a political mess, But this time on a national scale. And he somehow involuntarily ended up Prime Minister. This is what happens when you put a werewolf in charge of diplomacy. 

And a few years later he started calling in favors.


	2. Chapter 2

“They only found his finger you know.” 

That was the first sentence Spoken by another human being Sirius had Heard after a week of being chained in the absolute darkness of a Decrepit old dungeon below a muggle house. The Auror who transported him to this new prison gleefully informed him of his changing jailers, They had happily informed him that Muggles could still legally torture murderers, Kingsley a man he had once considered a friend , had told him with a smile as cruel as Bella’s “that he hoped the Muggle Prime minister put him on the rack.”

But no executioner or chief torturer had come after the Aurors left , No One had outside of the house elf that brought him His half rotten meals , nothing had happened. No pain, no torture, no other people, only darkness and that bone chilling silence one only feels when they are under ground and no Matter how much they scream no one will hear even a whisper of their voice. The silence the darkness, it was almost worse then the dementors, here in this new prison he was Utterly Alone without even Bellatrix’s psychotic cries for company.

Until now.

The first voice he heard in days And he was sure it was a hallucination. It’s was a voice That belong to a man he would never wish this darkness upon. As he slowly Reconciled the reality of his situation, Sirius’ heart shattered. He wasn’t the Soul inhabitant of this new hell, Remus was trapped down here as well, another inmate in this dark Abyss. As Sirius opened his mouth let loose an anguished cry , The distinctive”snick” of a Match being struck Forced him back into silence, With the tiny flame came His first Flicker of light in a week, The warm Amber glow illuminated the face of his jailer, Remus Was not his fellow inmate, but his new Capture. One that intended to speak.

“Moony”, was the only thing Sirius managed to croak out before the match was blown out, and he hear Remus’ haunting tone once more,” Three years padfoot, Peter’s been dead today Black, James and Lily too. Three years 16 hours and 12 minutes since the man that called you brother drew his last breathe. You took them your this world , Sirius through your treachery. We thought you were our friend our brother , but you were just a monster like the rest of your family. A true black , at home in the darkness. With the other death Eaters. You sold Out James to LoRd Voldemort and killed Peter yourself, his mother didn’t have a body to Bury after your Bomdarda Black. You must be so proud, 12 Muggles dead and a blood traitor reduced to dust , three of your Dark lords Adversaries gone from this world. Mad Eye told me you laughed when they found you amount the bodies Cackling, “ That is was your fault. Do you know I didn’t believe it until then Sirius, I thought you were still my friend, James’ brother. Good old padfoot. But then that was all a lie, a ploy to make us think we could trust you. Tell me Black, what’s its like knowing you made James’ son an orphan , but That your lord failed Harry’s still breathe , Almost alone in the world but still living that brave little boy. Tell me Black, did you feel anything when you sentenced James to die. His death certificate is written in your blood Sirius, because of your betrayal,Prongs will never see his son grow up ,Never teach him to fly or take him seat in the Wizengamot. How does it feel Black to know you betrayed everyone who loved you for the dark lord and to know after burning everything to the grown for your cause, your side still lost. Your dark lord fell at the hand of a one year old boy. That must burn, Does it Sirius?”

The silence Stretched into the darkness as Remus finished his tirade, The silence was clear he expected an answer, one Sirius could not give. With a voice cracked and broken a little like his heart in that moment Sirius spoke the only sentence He could manage,” I didn’t betray him, not James ,never James.” The words dissolving Into cries of Denial as Remus Bellowed “Silence!”  
And Sirius felt a wand digging into his throat.

Remus growled,”I was going to kill you tonight Sirius, on the anniversary so what you did to the others but I can’t let you leave this world with those lies coming out of your mouth. So you can enjoy the darkness a little longer, think about what I said, I want the truth Black. And I will have it before you leave this world. You were a betrayer in this life Sirius but I will make damn sure you die an honest man Padfoot. You own that much to James and Peter. Enjoy the darkness Sirius, I hope it helps you Organize your thoughts.” 

With that the wand point disappeared from his throat and Remus’ Quiet footsteps retreated into the darkness, Sirius just hunched over and Wept. Trapped in the abyss he was sure Would become his tomb. 

While high above him in the sun a little boy thanked his guardian for an early Christmas present, a stuffed stag that had hazel eyes. And a werewolf cried in both grief and joy.


	3. Chapter 3

After fitful night of sleep and irate phone call From the Americans, The shadow cabinet were making Outrageous demands again.Honestly the Conservatives had made a mess of the country under Thatcher and they had lost the General election by a landslide, But they were still making demands as if they were still the Majority, instead of Labor. They wanted benefit cuts to miners and there family when they got wind Remus a.k.a Romulus Leapwind, had reopened Negotiations with the miners union and a few cole Pitts Temporarily in attempt to make sure hundreds of families and Southern Wales. didn’t starve to death. Honestly if the Conservative party didn’t get a reality check soon Remus had half a mind to set Mycroft Holmes on there leadership. The man had been Appointed to MI5 under Thatcher and it would serve them right be on the receiving end of a Holmes inquest. The living Embodiment of the British Government indeed. Meeting with the man was unsettling, the bastard knew he was a wizards ten minute into their first encounter, Holmes had kept him mouth shut thankfully and the price for his silence had been surprising but doable, tHe removal of one Captain John Watson Formally of the fifth Northumberland fusilier from the reservists list. One phone call and a bit of digging later Revealed the reasoning from Mycroft Holmes demands. Family. Holmes had a brother that when looked into reminded Remus eerily of Sirius and James. Mycroft was protecting his brothers Sobriety by keeping his best friend around. The realization that actually made Remus like the smug bastard briefly before Holmes referred to Harry as a goldfish. And Mycroft Holmes was back on the Prime Minister’s shit list.

Remus sighed And went back to signing documents, Proposals, laws ,and sanctions. It all just blended together after a while. Merlin blessEd he knew what he was reading, But there was always so much bloody paperwork that came with running a nation. It was enough to drive anyone mad, let alone a single parent with a Furry little problem that Rendered him incapacitated for a few days every lunar cycle. Remus After signing what seemed like the 20th Proclamation about disarmament finally broke down and hit the call button. Summoning Reginald and Susan, he need a few minutes to himself. But he wouldn’t get them he needed to check on Harry before he left for his first day. Preschool was a Monumental event in a child’s life, he deserved to have a parent there to say goodbye. And Remus needed to get out of Number 10 and away from the monster in his basement.

He handed The stack of freshly to signed documents To his private secretary Reginald and Liberated Harry from Susan’s grasp. The newly minted four year old grinned at his Uncle before going back to Chattering excitedly to anyone who would listen about his first day of school at Saint Crispins, a school Remus had selected specifically for the mix of Muggles and halfblood children that were known to attend. The school was colloquially known among the magical community As “ A pyrotechnic cherubs Paradise” . The entire building was designed to be accidental magic resistant, The school was ideal for a young wizard that knew about magic and the Muggle world. The fact the school had a top rated psychologist on staff didn’t hurt either. Remus smiled as Harry informed him For the 27th time he could wait to see Mrs. McKenzie Again. Remus hoisted The young potter onto his shoulders as Reginald informed him the car had arrived. Remus Smiled At Harry and said,” Ready for your first day of school kiddo?” His heart nearly stopped when he heard James in little Harry’s response ,” yes! But only if I can bring Moony and Prongs too.” Remus hadn’t even gotten and “alright “ Out of his mouth before one of the maids materialized next to him holding the stuffed animals in question out you little Harry to grab. Making harry beam and Remus mouth a thank you to the young woman With a name tag that read, “ Miranda” . As they climbed into the car to take Harry to school Remus felt a shiver run down his back as He heard a haunting howl Being carried on the wind. Padfoot was out, Remus grimaced and Turned his attention back to Harry And sadly pressing the panic button in his suit pocket. He would have to leave Sirius Black in Holmes‘ Capable hands he had More pressing matters to deal with then a half starved Wizard trapped as a dog Roving around central London. Remus smiled cruelly at the though. Sirius deserved Some quality time with a Holmes and a butcher. Maybe he’s actually tell the truth this time. What black didn’t realize was that it wasn’t a mercy to find that door open, It was just another trap. A little incentive to give Remus what he wanted, Before he finally met his death. Remus smiled Before turning his attention back to Harry and what was really important. He Tousled the little boys hair as rambled Excitedly about making friends and showing Everyone He would meet his new Stag. ================================================================== As the black Rolls-Royce turn left off of Downing Street a Grimm Was spotted bolting Towards Mayfair, in a mad dash for freedom, Before the bounding dog was tased by an inconspicuous by stander With a mysteriously electrified umbrella. The great black massive fur Crumpled in the street as the umbrella Wielding individual Kicked it lightly with his boot. Before calling in his team To transport the creature back to the basement of Downing Street. But not before a little field trip to a band in warehouse in the east end. Mycroft Had a few questions for the shape shifting wizard, Before he was returned to the Prime Minister

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know! I know! Don’t light your torches and pitchforks just yet. Sirius will be okay, Eventually after some therapy and maybe a good sandwich .


	4. Chapter 4

Sirius groaned as he RegainEd consciousness, His muscles still Spasming from the tasers effects. His mouth was dry and His head was killing him. He Struggled to take a deep breath When the putrid stench of ammonia Flooded his Senses, Sirius grimaced Marvelous he had pissed himself the boot, bloody Muggles And there strange electrified umbrellas. Sirius Froze when he heard the telltale clink of A China cup, Well wasn’t that just Fantastic he was in chains .again. Covered in grime And Marinating in his own piss and some bloody Pillock Was having himself a nice cup of tea , in the corner As if Having a man chained in a bloody freezing abandoned warehouse was just another Tuesday afternoon for him. Sirius Took a deep breath and attempted to shift and nothing he could ever get his eyebrow A hair more bushy ,” Shit.”

Resigned to his Evermore precarious fate, Sirius looked at His new captor the third one in a week. Thinking the situation couldn’t get any worse he actually managed A bit of sarcasm as he looked at the Umbrella wielding stranger dead in the eye,” Mate, Don’t you know it’s rude not to offer a guest a cuppa. Didn’t your mother teach you any manners.” Sirius Actually managed a bit of a rye smile That he was quite proud of given the circumstances. 

The stranger just looked at him as if he was less than the dirt under his boot and sniffed,” My mother taught me many things Mr. Black, Hospitality towards serial killers wasn’t one of them.But I suppose it wasn’t a circumstance she thought I would find myself in in adulthood. So I suppose you’ll have to forgive the Lack of refreshments, we doesn’t Typically supply felons with Afternoon tea and biscuits.”

The strangers reply was so dry it actually made Sirius snort, Making highly inappropriate laughter bubble up from the surface of his depressing circumstances, The surprise chuckles turned into full out manic laughter as Sirius Reconciled with his circumstances in front of the mysterious stranger. The man just sipped his tea And observed the half starved madman before him as he went from Surprisingly calm given his situation and Nearest psychotic laughter. Patience was clearly in this man’s skill set.But sadly for Sirius That particular virtual Eluded his assistant. Sirius Had just started another round Of manic cackles when An oddly familiar wand Was pressed into his throat for the second time in 24 hours. 

The half mad Black scion blinked At the woman holding the deadly piece of wood pressed into his jugular Shockingly he actually managed to speak, “ Marlene?” It was more of a half realized question then a statement but it brought a sinister smile To the woman’s lips Regardless of the tone behind it. The Ebony haired lady Continue to smile as she said,” It’s Anthea these days Sirius. And I’ve heard You’ve become quite The homicidal sociopath Siri, With a lifetime stint in Azkaban. Or at least you’re supposed to be, Yet here you are in London Black, In quite a predicament. The Prime Minister you remember Remus of course wants your head on a silver platter for the murder of Peter James and Lily. He’s tasked us With returning you to that nasty hopeless cell In the basement of number 10. “

She stopped her monologue for a moment to adjust her grip forcing him into a seated position, Before continuing,” Sirius We were all friends ones at Hogwarts weren’t we?”

The dry croak of a yes from her prisoners throat was all the prompting she needed to continue. “And You took those seven years of friendship And spat on them When you betrayed the order and Jamie for A place at the dark Lord’s table.Or at least that’s what they all say Siri. I could never quite believe that story Black. But everyone else does including Lupin our old friend Black. And under normal circumstances I’d be inclined to believe anything Remus says. But there’s a nagging little voice in the back of my head that just won’t stop pointing out the discrepancies with this nasty little story.” 

Marlene/Anthea pressed her index finger to her temple to accentuate her point And then smiled cruelly At her old school mate before continuing,” So you see the Prime Minister’s request provides me with a bit of an opportunity. Do you know Lily was my best friend my sister really just like you were to James. Before you stabbed him in the back, And I can’t imagine ever betraying Lily the way you did Black. So Sirius, We’re going to take advantage of this little opportunity to answer some Nagging questions that just won’t leave my head. But given the circumstances I can’t trust a word formed by that silver tongue of yours so we’re going to take the pharmaceutical route instead.”

Anthea/Marlene smiled again before pulling out A vial of clear liquid,” I take it you recognize this Sirius.Verataserus, With a bit of an extra kick the Muggles fiddled with it a bit to increase the potency ,worked marvelously. But has a nasty little side effect one in three Recipients drop dead of a heart attack moments after swallowing this concoction, But I suppose with Remus out to murder you if you really did do All the nasty little things They accuse you of then a heart attack Would be a blessing and keep the blood off our favorite werewolves’ hands. So Sirius , Are you ready to face judgment?” She smiled at him waiting.

Sirius stared at her Terrified at the woman who should’ve been a phantom a figment of his imagination brought on by the Dementors , But no she was solid As real as the wand she was digging Murderously into his neck.Believing he wasn’t going to make it out of this alive regardless of his actions he parted his lips and let her pour the potion down his throat With no resistance. When the bell was empty Anthea Corked it, and Whispered a question to him almost sweetly if Her eyes weren’t murderous.

“So Siri did you do it?”

===================================================================

The school campus was practically bursting at the seams as families gathered taking pictures of their children going off on yet another school year. The parking lot Had been madness with Remus Thankful for his driver Xavier’s calm demeanor, If he had had to find a parking spot himself he would’ve been swearing worse than seller after one too many fire whiskeys. That wasn’t something hairy needed to hear. But instead of swearing allowed he was cursing mentally as he scrambled to catch up to the excited four year-old Boy as he bounced out of the Rolls-Royce and sprinted towards the school doors clutching his stuffed stag plushie. Remus called out the same way Any father would given the circumstances shouting for their child to slow down. Harry came to a reluctant stop as Remus sprinted to catch up to him and then nearly fell over panting to catch his breath. Which took a bit longer than usual making his nephew actually concerned for his health, Remus just Smiled and tousled The little boys hair again when he Inquired if he was alright. Making Remus wheeze out a chuckle, Before assuring him he was fine. At that moment Reginald his Private secretary came running out from the passenger side of the vehicle we having a Camera frantically. Making Remus smile and look at Harry, “ What do you say prongslet, How about we take a picture for old Reggie?”

The little boy laughed and agreed Pulling a funny face as the camera flashed, Harry with a patience remarkable For a child his age graciously posed for a few more photos before hugging his “Uncle Mooney “ Tightly and then bolting toWords a group Of children about his age That were adamantly watching a little girl teach them all how to make daisychains. Remus failed horribly at suppressing his smile As he watch little Harry Come to an instant Hault Right in front of the little girl And loudly Informing the entire group you could do the Same thing with five leaf clovers And set about Demonstrating this as fact. Remus and Reginald Watched his nephew for a few more minutes as he somehow managed to make more friends in five minutes then Remus had had in his entire life, Weaving daisychains and Clover knots With An intense focus Seated between a little boy with red hair so orange it was nearly neon and a little girl with chestnut curls that looked like they were a Nightmare for her mother to manage. After about five minutes Reginald elbowed Remus lightly and whispered,” Sir, I believe the young master is fine, Perhaps it would be best for you to mingle among the other parents.” 

Remus tore his eyes away from his nephew with great reluctance and smiled ruefully at Reginald Before Turning his back on the little boy and walking over to the whispering cluster of adults. Oh no doubt gossiping about the Muggle Prime Minister. Remus made a beeline For the first face he recognized, One he didn’t know from Hogwarts but from a cultural exchange between the ministry of magic and her majesty’s government, Remus walked towards The familiar face of Arthur Weasley the head of the misuse of Muggle artifacts Department and what looked to be with his older sons Charlie or perhaps Percy if he remembered correctly whatever the boys name was he had a rather large Familiar looking Tawny colored rat On his shoulder. That looked Ever increasingly panicked as Remus drew closer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the cliffhanger but I promise Sirius will survive this.He will get that sandwich and A nice cup of tea at some point. 
> 
> Harry is going to a private primary school That is run by half bloods that educates Both Muggle and magical children. The pre-Hogwarts magical children learn about the Muggle world and science as well as some pre-Hogwarts basic education like Latin and Potion basics in addition to the standard Muggle subjects such as geography and mathematics.


	5. Chapter 5

Remus lost in his own little world at the moment a fresh hellscape His consciousness had crafted in Response to the flood of new information. He had a stupifyied Rat in hs pocket One with only four toes on its front right foot. Arthur Weasley thought he was a madman who liked to steal from children and Remus had a Forming bruise On his jaw blossoming As blatant evidence of the man’s displeasure at the thief of his son’s beloved pet “ scrabbers “ . Arthur’s sons Charlie and Percy had taken Reginald down at the knee when he had tried to Neutralize Remus’ Weasley assailant. And now all the other parents at Harry’s new school thought they were vagabonds and rapscallions. The headmistress of Saint Crispin’s Had threatened to phone the police if they didn’t cease and desist immediately And follow her to her office in an orderly fashion.  
So like a chastised schoolboy On autopilot and subconsciously not wanting to risk Harry’s place at the school before the year had even started. Remus had put his arm behind his back out of sight Of everyone but Reginald and he cast a Few Hasty stupefy and Disillusionment charms. Before Inconspicuously transferring his wand to Reginald and Quietly instructing him to deliver it to Harry With the instructions Harry Was to hold the wand very tight and wish with all his might for a Tawny rat the answered to “Scabbers.”  
Before following the headmistress into her office along with the fuming Weasley Patriarch who was normally quite mild mannered. His older sons sat Angrily in the benches Outside the office. The boys glared at Reginald as the private secretary Quickly scampered off to fulfill the Prime Minister’s request. 

Reginald thinking quickly as any good political chief of staff would, Quietly whispered to a few of the parents that he passed searching for Harry, What a shame it was that the Prime Minster’s murophobia Had to rear its ugly head. How Minister Leapwind was so incredibly sorry for what had happened as he had been petrified in terror at the sight of the rodent and his nephew Harry, Who was an adorable little boy of 4 had noticed this Uncle’s distress and In a bout of Accidental magic brought on by the fear he sensed from his Uncle The boy accidentally magically vanished the Weasley’s pet rat. It was all a horrible misunderstanding,That had both the Prime Minister and young Harry quite distressed. Reginald offhandedly asked any parent he came across to keep an ear of for a Disillusioned pet rat that was no doubt very confused and currently missing. Every parent naturally understanding the distress of all parties involved at the loss of a beloved familiar promised happily to check around. Reginald having performed his primary function of covering the Prime Minister’s ass happily made his way over to Little Harry And repeated the same story to the parents and children surrounding the little boy who was covered head to toes in Daisychains and Clover garlands. 

Reginald picked Harry up and Started walking towards the headmistress his office but not before discreetly handing the little boy his uncles wand and Whispering to the young wizard his uncles instructions. They had barely rounded the corner before Reginald’s necktie Transformed into a lively Tawny colored rat With Dazed eyes and a Propensity for biting anything in his immediate vicinity. The new animated Rodent of the phylum necktie, Was quickly restrained in his suit pocket before he entered the office ready to Provide an explanation for this ridiculous situation. And a helpful of alibi For the missing rodent. In the end all was well, Better than was to be expected Arthur Weasley even apologized sheepishly, 

When Remus sprouted the lie about his rat phobia, And Reginald produced the scabbers doppelgänger. In the end Everyone was let off with a severe warning from the headmistress, The Weasleys and the Prime Minister didn’t start a generations long blood feud, Harry got a lollipop For a rather exceptional bout of accidental magic from the headmistress and Remus left the school with a new prisoner and mentally praying Holmes hadn’t yet started his interrogation of Sirius. The petrified rodent in his pocket Raised far more questions than answered and put Remus on a timer. They need to get to the East End In less than an hour in London rush-hour traffic, thank Merlin for his driver and his supernatural ability To maneuver a full-size car around fully loaded buses Expertly. 

Remus’ mad dash into an Abandoned warehouse in the east end Came to a Remarkable end when he discovered not screaming and bloodshed when he entered the interrogation chamber Mycroft Holmes favored, but Sirius Black Greedily eating a triple-decker sandwich while Marlene McKinnon and Holmes sharpened daggers. There was a massive sign painted on the wall behind the strange trio that read In magical glowing pixie lights,” DO NOT AVADA ! Innocent! Ask Questions BEFORE Torture!” 

Remus just blinked before he heard Mycroft Holmes said,” Wonderful for you to join us minister, Tea?”

And the annoyed cry from Sirius black, “ OH! Now you have manner!” For no explainable reason At the ridiculous situation , Remus wept.


End file.
